Forgetting to Remember

It's inevitable. At some point in your life, you begin to forget things. Where you were going, what you needed at the store, what you were going to say, the name of that actor you've seen in a dozen other movies.It's going to happen more and more after you reach a certain age. It could start in your 40's,your 50's or even your 60's, but it will start! This is different from the condition affecting millions of kids and adults called ADD. No, this is age induced brain rot, a failure of neuron connections that leave us frustrated and sometimes worried that we are becoming senile.Oh no, now my kids can take revenge on me and I won't even know about it.
I became very worried about it when I couldn't remember my own phone number for about five minutes, so I went to see my Chinese husband and wife doctor team , Woo Hoo and Otch Hoo.Woo chuckled when I told him about my concern and told me,
"If you forget where your car keys are, that's normal, so don't worry. If you forget what your car keys are for, then you may have a problem."
With that reassurance and a $30 copay, I left feeling relieved.
To allay your memory loss fears, I have put together a listing of some memory issues that will arise as you age, but are normal. Along with some ways to cope,so you don't  have to worry about them.
1 - Brand recognition and acceptable word substitution.
It's okay to forget a product name and substitute your own. for example I use a product called "Breath Right Nasal Strips" when I go to sleep. Well for me this has become a very difficult name to remember.When I run out and need to get some they become either "Nose Strips" or even better "Nose Things" As a matter of fact the word "Thing" is now a universally accepted substitute for anything that eludes your memory. For example when you comment on how much you like "crunchy things" in your Chinese food when referring to water chestnuts. Everyone can use "thing". Even Albert Einstein later in life called his "Theory of General Relativity" , "That physics Thing". Another universal substitution is the word "stuff". Indeed many an aged person says "computer stuff". Historical research even quotes Ben Franklin, in 1787, referring to the new constitution as "That law stuff".
2 - Social issues.
If you meet someone whose name you cannot remember you may use the "faking it" technique. Inside your  head you can think
"Crap ,that's whats her name"
But, you don't want to admit it and offend her, so just keep talking about general things like the weather, or how great she looks, while listening for clues to her identity. If more than three minute goes by, don't worry, she doesn't remember you either. Then you can say how great it was to see her and continue on your journey.
Another social issue, especially in groups of the memory challenged is "Blurting". Older memory impaired people like to blurt things out , even if they have nothing to do with the topic of discussion. That's because older people want to say what popped into their mind before they forget it. So, if your in a group discussing books or movies , feel free to blurt out that you bought some yogurt on sale that morning and that broccoli gives you stinky gas, because the next person will blurt out something equally irrelevant like "My granddaughter just married a tugboat captain with a lisp" Other blurts may be framed as questions such as :
"What was I about to say?" or "What were we just talking about?" or "Did I say that out loud?"
3 - Spousal ambiguity
Sometimes a spouse will ask a trick memory question like ,
"Do you know what day this is?"
If you can't remember there are several possible answers you can use. One answer is "It's our anniversary" phrased as either a question or a confident answer. You're playing the odds here as that is a pretty common date to forget and be punished for. Also, if you use it every time you will eventually be right. You can also play the "dumb card" and say "I think it's Wednesday", but don't do it too often as it loses its believability and charm in a hurry.
Interpreting spousal gibberish is also a challenge, but you can make it fun for both of you. Say your wife says to you,
"When going, remember the white"
Then watch your child's face go from confusion to amazement when you answer that of course you will pick up milk after going to the bank. This works on children of any age who will be impressed with how in sync you two are after so many years of marriage. You're actually just at similar stages of memory deterioration(known as co-senility) and you would have said the exact same thing if the situation was reversed. Please note that if spouses are more than 10 years different in age their memory loss may not be in sync. In this case a spouse may be unable to impress children and will have a response more along the lines of,
"What the hell are you talking about?" or, the ever famous,
"I'm not a mind reader."
This was going to be longer, but I forgot what else I wanted to say.

Studies Cause Cancer

Just a few years back a friend of mine told me I had to start drinking red wine because it was good for my heart.My curiosity was aroused as there have been heart issues in my family , so I asked how he knew about this new health directive.
" A study came out proving it. I read it just the other day."
So, with this evidence, off to the liquor store I went to stock up on the elixir to extend my life. Screw exercise, I can drink my way to health.
Viva La France! Ah the French! They discovered how to live a long time with a high fat diet plus alcohol.
Supposedly the resveratrol, which is the key health substance in red wine, is an antioxidant which will do all kinds of great things for our cholesterol and arteries. Besides red wine there are numerous,though less fun antioxidant supplements marketed to us by large profit minded companies as well as fruit and juice companies. Crazy combination drinks are also marketed. All touting their massive health benefits.
But, later investigations showed that the benefits were only shown in mice and the human equivalent dosage is about 1,000 liters of red wine per day.(http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heart-disease/in-depth/red-wine/art-20048281)
Saddened, I stopped drinking.After all, who can afford 1,000 liters of wine per day?And if I could, are  there enough hours in a day to consume it all?I could barely finish my gallon of intestine emptier the night before my colonoscopy!And I have to think 1,000 litres(note the alternate spelling of liter) of wine,daily, could have rather bad consequences that more than offset the potential benefits.
Other studies have come to light saying that taking in loads of antioxidants may not be so good after all. I won't cite them all here.
This is just one example of a limited number of studies being used as marketing ploys. Citing a single study can launch an entire new business.
These are what I call the positive studies. If you do as your told, such as take a supplement,then positive things will happen for you. Then there are the negative studies.These tell you all of the bad things that will happen if you do something. One example is eating margarine will clog up your arteries and kill you. Several studies concluded this very thing. I cite my own study of my two grandmothers who used craploads(a crapload is more than a load,but less than a boatload) of margarine and lived to be 88 and 91 years old.Interestingly the butter industry lobbied successfully to have taxes added to margarine , and laws to keep it from being dyed yellow.The no dye rules lasted for decades.See mentalfloss.com.
Aside from the margarine studies there seems to be an endless supply of food studies showing that pretty much every food causes cancer. Of course these studies involve mice eating the human equivalent of 643 tons of  the one food in question per year.
No one is immune to all of the hypes. People begin to worry what will happen to them if they don't believe the "science" presented to them in such a compelling way.
Studies are very important in very many areas. Clinicaltrials.gov shows 179,546 registered clinical trials.Studies abound in education,statistics, research, etc.Even studies of studies, but individual studies mean little by themselves. They may provide insights that lead research into specific areas. Unfortunately they lead companies to make false claims and very real profits.Hence the warnings on many supplements saying "These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.This product is not intended to diagnose,treat,cure or prevent any disease." In other words you could very well be buying an expensive placebo.
So,with that in mind I must tell you that  new studies reveal that so many new studies and their nonsense interpretations by media or marketing companies for profit are causing severe health issues for people including fear,anxiety,heart palpitations,skin lesions and depression. This has led to a new psychological condition called "Studiesaphobia". Of course fear, anxiety,and depression weaken the body making us prone to all kinds of diseases - even cancer.
So, stop paying attention to the study of the week. You'll be healthier for it.