Forgetting to Remember

It's inevitable. At some point in your life, you begin to forget things. Where you were going, what you needed at the store, what you were going to say, the name of that actor you've seen in a dozen other movies.It's going to happen more and more after you reach a certain age. It could start in your 40's,your 50's or even your 60's, but it will start! This is different from the condition affecting millions of kids and adults called ADD. No, this is age induced brain rot, a failure of neuron connections that leave us frustrated and sometimes worried that we are becoming senile.Oh no, now my kids can take revenge on me and I won't even know about it.
I became very worried about it when I couldn't remember my own phone number for about five minutes, so I went to see my Chinese husband and wife doctor team , Woo Hoo and Otch Hoo.Woo chuckled when I told him about my concern and told me,
"If you forget where your car keys are, that's normal, so don't worry. If you forget what your car keys are for, then you may have a problem."
With that reassurance and a $30 copay, I left feeling relieved.
To allay your memory loss fears, I have put together a listing of some memory issues that will arise as you age, but are normal. Along with some ways to cope,so you don't  have to worry about them.
1 - Brand recognition and acceptable word substitution.
It's okay to forget a product name and substitute your own. for example I use a product called "Breath Right Nasal Strips" when I go to sleep. Well for me this has become a very difficult name to remember.When I run out and need to get some they become either "Nose Strips" or even better "Nose Things" As a matter of fact the word "Thing" is now a universally accepted substitute for anything that eludes your memory. For example when you comment on how much you like "crunchy things" in your Chinese food when referring to water chestnuts. Everyone can use "thing". Even Albert Einstein later in life called his "Theory of General Relativity" , "That physics Thing". Another universal substitution is the word "stuff". Indeed many an aged person says "computer stuff". Historical research even quotes Ben Franklin, in 1787, referring to the new constitution as "That law stuff".
2 - Social issues.
If you meet someone whose name you cannot remember you may use the "faking it" technique. Inside your  head you can think
"Crap ,that's whats her name"
But, you don't want to admit it and offend her, so just keep talking about general things like the weather, or how great she looks, while listening for clues to her identity. If more than three minute goes by, don't worry, she doesn't remember you either. Then you can say how great it was to see her and continue on your journey.
Another social issue, especially in groups of the memory challenged is "Blurting". Older memory impaired people like to blurt things out , even if they have nothing to do with the topic of discussion. That's because older people want to say what popped into their mind before they forget it. So, if your in a group discussing books or movies , feel free to blurt out that you bought some yogurt on sale that morning and that broccoli gives you stinky gas, because the next person will blurt out something equally irrelevant like "My granddaughter just married a tugboat captain with a lisp" Other blurts may be framed as questions such as :
"What was I about to say?" or "What were we just talking about?" or "Did I say that out loud?"
3 - Spousal ambiguity
Sometimes a spouse will ask a trick memory question like ,
"Do you know what day this is?"
If you can't remember there are several possible answers you can use. One answer is "It's our anniversary" phrased as either a question or a confident answer. You're playing the odds here as that is a pretty common date to forget and be punished for. Also, if you use it every time you will eventually be right. You can also play the "dumb card" and say "I think it's Wednesday", but don't do it too often as it loses its believability and charm in a hurry.
Interpreting spousal gibberish is also a challenge, but you can make it fun for both of you. Say your wife says to you,
"When going, remember the white"
Then watch your child's face go from confusion to amazement when you answer that of course you will pick up milk after going to the bank. This works on children of any age who will be impressed with how in sync you two are after so many years of marriage. You're actually just at similar stages of memory deterioration(known as co-senility) and you would have said the exact same thing if the situation was reversed. Please note that if spouses are more than 10 years different in age their memory loss may not be in sync. In this case a spouse may be unable to impress children and will have a response more along the lines of,
"What the hell are you talking about?" or, the ever famous,
"I'm not a mind reader."
This was going to be longer, but I forgot what else I wanted to say.