Men - stay out of the delivery room

Throughout history women have had the babies while men have waited outside. It was an arrangement that worked . Women screamed in pain and gave birth and then men passed out cigars. And the human race continued to expand. In recent decades there has been a change that has insidiously taken root and threatens to change birthing and manhood forever. It seems that some unknown woman started a movement that has quickly spread throughout the country. Men had to become sensitive and supportive. First came the Lamaze classes, where husbands and boyfriends learned to say "Breathe honey" and "hoo hoo hoo ". Then it was men in the delivery room with video camera and words of support. let me tell you - there is nothing more useless than a man watching his wife moan and perspire while trying to push a moose through a cat door. After a couple of " you're doing great honey's" the most common response is " Shut the _uck up and get me some _ucking ice chips". And don't give me any of that "It's a beautiful experience to share " crap. There's nothing wonderful about hours of watching your significant other writhing in pain followed by the emergence of your slime covered, ET looking offspring. Men can't share the pain and women can't share the feeling of utter uselessness. It's all just a bunch of hype being spread to convince men that this is what men should do to become sensitive and evolved. But it's all a lie! Nothing is more useless than a husband in a delivery room. Real men should pace in the waiting room until a nurse comes out for them. Then they can pass out cigars (sorry no more lighting up). After that they can go see their wife and new baby and say "you did great honey"