Bought and paid for

Stopping corruption in our government could very well be the most important issue of our time.
The power of Lobbying and the money they spread is hard to contain.
One possible solution involves allowing them to deal out as much money as they desire, but control the congress and senate.
When a judge finds that he/she has a personal connection in a case then he/she must recuse themself from the case.
Since campaign contributions must be accounted for it is easy see which office holders have received donations from which lobbies.
When a bill comes up for a vote, the senators or congresspersons who received donations from a lobby directly affected by said bill must recuse themselves from voting on the bill.
This way a lobby gets to plead their case, but not influence the outcome with money, but only the soundness of their arguement.
There should also be a limit on how many times each year that a senator or congressman may recuse themselves without penalty.
Possibly if they recuse themselves in more than 5% of the bills voted on each year, they should be fired from their position and lose their pension. The reason being, that if they are receiving that many campaign donations, then they are in business for themselves rather than taking care of constituents business and doing what they are elected to do.

New dessert

As a foodaholic, I've decided to create some new desserts. First up is my new creation - Donut pie.
By combining the fried, artery clogging goodness of donuts with the diabetic coma inducing sweetness of pie I believe this new creation will send the culinary world screaming with joy.
As with great wine and food pairings, the proper donut - pie pairing is essential for the perfect dessert experience. For example a Rhubarb pie and chocolate cake donut combo could be vomit inducing, which could be fun if you feed it to your drunk friend at 3:00 in the morning, but certainly wouldn't be taste bud pleasing . For the delicate flavor of rhubarb you need a strawberry jelly donut.
Other pairings I have devised include:

Peanut donut crumbled atop pecan pie

Blueberry donut on blueberry pie

For those who need a little fiber I have a bran muffin - banana cream pie

Boston cream donut with boston cream pie.

For the traditionalist I have a pairing of buttermilk donut and apple pie

and for the unusual we have toasted coconut donuts with sweet potato pie.

By the way , I love sweet potato pie and will gladly eat any you wish to send to me. It's extremely difficult to find sweet potato pie anywhere.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go to the bakery and the donut shop and try some donut pie. You know you want to.
Let me know your favorite pairing.

Proximity Theory

I enjoyed watching Sarah Palin on TV the other day explain why she is such an expert on foreign policy. The explanation being that her state of Alaska borders on Russia and Canada so naturally she has extra insight into those countries and complete understanding of their issues. I've never heard of proximity being used to explain expertise. Perhaps if we continue along this mode of thinking we will see that since there are many streams and woods and mountains in Alaska that Sarah Palin is the perfect candidate to run the national park system. Since she resides close to so many moose (mooses? meese?) and polar bears she is qualified to run the zoo in Washingon DC. And why stop there? With all of the snow and cold she also should be a shoo in to run the national refrigeration council. And what about all of the ice? Certainly she is superior in ice cube making to those in the lower 48. And this ,of course, will make her top of the line in making martinis! And naturally this makes her the logical choice to run the bureau of Alcohol, tobacco and firearms. Alaska has a very lengthy coastline which gives Sarah a vast knowledge of marine biology. That could certainly put her in the running to head the EPA. Her renowned ability to build the "bridge to nowhere" makes her the best choice to head the army corp of engineers. You know it seems that in addition to being vice president, Sarah is qualified to fill every cabinet post.
Just imagine , Sarah Palin could be just one "old fart stroke" away from being president of the United States.
This ridiculous proximity theory of expertise can be applied to everyone. For example, by this method, a 7/11 clerk in Washington, DC by his close proximity to the senate, congress and all the political support staff can be just as effective a president as George Bush! . . . Oh, wait a minute!

I think I will use this theory to run for president.
I live in Buffalo Grove, Illinois. That means I live within 5 miles of about 10,000 Russians, so I'm way up on Palin in foreign policy. As a matter of fact I live within 40 miles of enough different ethnic groups to make me secretary general of the United nations. I rarely spend more than I earn, so my fiscal policy will be sound. I go to the botannical gardens in Glencoe, Illinois several times per year so I will have an intelligent agricultural agenda. I won a fight when I was 12, so I'll be good at defending our country. I'm sure I can beat the crap out of the that North Korean guy. Probably that squirrelly looking Iranian guy too. Putin could be tough - he looks like a biter. I've been to a doctor and I've paid 1000 times what someone in another country pays for prescriptions, so I'm certain that I can fix our health care system and maybe get a teeny discount on pharmaceuticals for medicaid. I can go on at length, but by now you should get the picture. I'm the best candidate for president! So write me in on your ballots. If we don't take 2008, we can at least build some momentum for 2012.

The Shmotte

I put on my second sock and felt the telltale coolness on my heel. Yes, I had a hole in my sock. I pulled off my mutilated sock while simultaneously scanning the room for the primary use for a torn sock.
"Ah, the TV - perfect!"I walked over and carefully dusted the TV.Now that my sock had successfully fulfilled its secondary purpose of being a shmotte, I was able to throw it into the garbage can.
But was I done being thrifty? No! I took off the good sock and put it in the section of my drawer reserved for spare socks. Yes, I thought,because one day another sock of the same type will develop a hole and I will be able to make a pair with my saved sock and the newly widowed sock. Oh how clever!
The conversion of each type of undergarment into a useful shmotte is a time honored tradition. Torn undershorts are also good for dusting. Since they have more material than a sock (I'm not counting thongs) you can do more extensive dusting - maybe even get out the can of lemon pledge. Like the sock, undershorts are normally a one usage shmotte due to their (usually) small size.
The tee shirt is another matter. Its size allows it to be a multi usage shmotte. You can clean the sink, wipe out a tub or even use it to wash your car. The big question is whether or not to wash and reuse it. You must be careful after washing to keep it in the shmotte bucket and not accidentally return it to the wardrobe.
So here you have the shmotte web of life explained.
Or is it shmatte? Or shmotty? Or schmatte?

Shoe porn?

Recently Sharon(Sharon is wode piao liang taitai.Go look that one up.) and I were watching TV. Commercials came on and realizing that I could not fast forward because we were watching live and not DVR, I picked up the newspaper. A shoe commercial came on for DSW and suddenly I heard "oohs!" and "ahs!" and "oh how cute's!". As a dutiful husband I lent my support with a couple of appropriately timed "mmhmms", while continuing my reading. I learned this technique from a psychiatrist who told me "A couple of well placed mmhmms makes a patient think that I'm listening and that I care, when I've actually already written a prescription and am deciding where to go for dinner".
Anyway, Sharon turned to me and said "You don't understand - this is my porn"!
I had to think about this for a while. The analogy was interesting. It seems that shoes are to women as boobs are to men!
After a little more thinking, I must say it doesn't seem fair to men. After all shoes get to be on the outside.

No end in sight

Some time back I urged everyone to see the movie "No end in sight". Now Zax has found a free site to watch documentaries.
Here is a link to "No end in sight".

http://freedocumentaries.org/film.php?id=184

Well, what are you waiting for? Go watch it!

Retirement funding

A new thought on the illegal alien issue. A huge portion of illegals get work by purchasing fake social security numbers to show to employers. These millions of workers then get jobs and pay their FICA of 7.65%. This is then matched by their employers. These illegals will never be able to collect social security, but they pay in how many hundreds of millions of dollars(or billions of dollars or tens of billions of dollars) each and every year? So what happens to all of the money streaming into social security system? Cha-ching! It goes to retiring american citizens. This is quite a contribution to our social security system that many fear will fail in the coming decades. Just another facet to this complex issue. One that I don't think anyone else has thought about.
In the meantime with this retirement windfall , I feel secure enough to buy myself a beach house.
In Baja , Mexico.

Solving the immigration issue

During the past year there has been a great deal of debate on what to do about illegal immigration to this country primarily from Mexico.
Proposals have ranged from "Round 'em up and throw them out" to "make 'em pay $5000 to become citizens(yeah a lot of illegal immigrants making minimum wage will be able to plunk down that kind of cash). None of the proposals can make everyone happy. With this in mind I have come up with a new plan that should satisfy all americans.
Fact - nearly all local and state governments as well as our federal government have spent vast sums of money making the United States nearly bilingual. Everyone calling a large company or government agency has heard this "Para Espanol press numero dos". And Spanish is a very easy language to learn.
Fact - more than 13% of our population is Mexican
Solution - Make Mexico part of the United States. Think of all the land and resources that could be developed with US money from both business and the government.
Think of the billions of dollars saved by not having to guard borders. Now our borders would extend to central america. The rest of our borders would be water. It would certainly be easier to patrol the tiny border with central america than the entire southwest USA.
I think most mexicans would welcome the opportunity to become part of the USA.
What do you think?

Hey Brainiac - get Brainetics

Everyone should go to www.brainetics.tv and order this item. Whether you get it for your child or yourself it's amazing exercise for your brain. You can develop math skills you could never imagine you were capable of achieving. It also seems to help memory and critical thinking and it's also a lot of fun.
The creator, Mike Byster, is a truly remarkable person. He has gone to countless classrooms to teach and motivate students to learn math skills (at no charge).
I've known Mike for more than half of my life and he genuinely cares about having a positive impact on people's lives.
And just so you all know, I'm not telling you this for any personal gain. I haven't even gotten a discount on Brainetics for myself and we were college roomates. Six of us lived in an old house together at 59 E. Chalmers in Champaign, IL and I distinctly remember him telling me that I was his seventh favorite roomate (after axelwoman). You would think that would count for something.
Seriously though, I don't believe you will ever find another product that will enhance your life or your child's life as positively as this intelligent and fun set of DVD's.
So go to www.brainetics.tv and see what I'm talking about.

Einstein

If it's true that you learn from your mistakes then I'm a genius.

The 1st Annual Prescription Drug Awards

With the boring Academy awards approaching I have taken it upon myself to create a truly entertaining awards show. The Prescription Drug Awards. The award statue will be syringe shaped. I have not yet named it and welcome your suggestions.

The first category is:

Best side effect for a prescription drug.
The nominees are:

1 - 4 hour erection

2 - temporary blindness

3- Kidney failure

4 - Rectal Bleeding

5 - Genitals fall off (known as gonadal leprosy)

Any reader of this is automatically a member of the academy and must place a vote.

Ramming speed

Recently, I took a drive from home (Buffalo Grove) to Milwaukee. I was driving comfortably on the tollway. I was driving 70 miles per hour in the middle lane. I had my Joe Bonamassa CD playing and Sharon was reading the paper. It should have been an enjoyable drive, but soon it turned ugly. Cars in the right lane were passing me and giving me dirty looks. Cars in the left lane were honking and flipping me off as they passed by. Meanwhile a truck pulling a 53 foot trailer was 6 inches from my bumper flashing its lights at me. Not wanting to be road kill( and refusing to become an "old man with a hat") I quickly sped up to match the "flow" of traffic at 93 miles per hour. As I rocketed down the highway at Clark Kent speed my mind drifted back to a simpler time - memorial day weekend 2007. We were in Seattle, WA driving down the expressway in our rented PT cruiser. This, by the way, is a vehicle that requires a three point turn to make a simple right turn. It's turning radius is about 983 feet. Anyway we were driving this vehicle at 70 miles per hour (probably the cruiser's top speed) in the middle lane and also got many dirty looks. But this time we were passing everyone else. I quickly slowed down to 60 as I realized that everyone was actually driving the posted speed limit.
In Illinois and Wisconsin we know that the posted speed limit is really more of a suggestion or perhaps a polite request. Why bother putting up signs at all? The state of Illinois could probably save enough money on useless speed limit signs to fund Metra for 3 years.
In spite of the lack of enforcement, I always told my sons to drive the speed limit or within 5 mph of the limit. Recently my son came home with a speeding ticket for going "only" 2o over the speed limit. He complained that he was just going with the flow of traffic and he was the only one pulled over. Not wanting to make him feel any worse about the $75 ticket and $40 traffic school I didn't say "I told you so". Until the next day. When I also sang him the "speed racer" song.
By the way, being able to say "I told you so" is really very gratifying.

Penny for your thoughts

While thinking about money (or lack of said substance) I came across some interesting facts about our coinage. For instance , our penny, is not made of copper. It is actually 97.5% zinc and only 2.5% copper. If you want something made of copper try the quarter. The quarter is 91.67% copper and 8.33% nickel. Speaking of nickel, our nickel is only 25% nickel with the other 75% being copper. As for our dime, it is made of exactly the same mixture as our nickel - 75% copper and 25% nickel. It seems kind of strange that the dime, which weighs less than 1/2 of the weight of a nickel is worth twice as much. Maybe we should swap the names. It certainly would correct the coin size to coin value symmetry theorem which clearly states"The larger the coin the larger the value". The dime really messes that up.
On a slightly related note the police officer nickname "cop" (short for copper) came about because the buttons on the police uniform looked like copper pennies. Still no word on where the nickname "the Fuzz" came from. If someone has that information please let me know.